You’ve recently decided to become vegan. You know you’ve made the right decision for yourself because now your actions will be aligned with your values. Your partner, however, isn’t so sure your decision is the right one for the relationship. While this is a normal reaction, it’s important that the two of you make time to have a very honest discussion about your concerns and expectations for this upcoming change in your relationship.
Your Relationship History
When you and your partner first got together, you weren’t vegan so your decision to follow a vegan path will necessitate some changes in your day-to-day life and in how you think about your future together. It’s important you understand that this will be an adjustment for your significant other and you’ll need to show a lot of patience.
Topics of Concern that often arise
While each couple's concerns will be slightly different, below are some that I've seen frequently arise:
The Kitchen
Will non-vegan food still be allowed in your home?
Will you want separate pots, pans, plates, etc.?
How do you feel about your partner eating vegan at home but not outside the home?
The Social Life
What's your stance on eating at restaurants that have plant-based options but are not fully vegan?
If non-vegan activities have been a part of you and your partner's social life (for example fishing trips), will you still go along?
When inviting non-vegan friends over, how will you feel if your partner wants to serve them some non-vegan food?
Family Gatherings
What will you do if your partner's family refuses to forgo the turkey or ham at their holiday celebrations?
If your partner's family organizes get-togethers around non-vegan activities (like hunting trips), how will you handle that?
If your partner's family make joke about your veganism, do you have expectations around how your partner will respond?
Clothing and Home Items
You and your partner bought a gorgeous red-leather sofa a few years ago. Does it stay or go, and does your partner get to weigh in?
Your partner has a dresser full of wool sweaters. Do you care if they stay or go? If your partner wants to keep them, then what?
Your partner has a favorite shower gel that is neither vegan nor cruelty-free. Will you ask him to dump it?
Raising Children
If you're planning on having children, will they be raised vegan?
If you do decide to raise them vegan, how will you handle family pushback?
If you decide to raise your child vegan, how might you handle them wanting to eat burgers and franks when at a friend's party? And how will you feel if your partner doesn't object?
Your Expectations for your Partner
Do you expect your partner to join you in following a vegan lifestyle?
If they don't wish to, can you refrain from pressuring them to change?
Are you able to continue being in a relationship with a non-vegan partner?
These are broad questions and there are bound to be some gray areas in the answers. But the clearer you can be with each other, the less chance there will be for misunderstandings or hurt feelings down the road.
Reach out to speak more with a vegan therapist who understands.
